I told a stranger on the elevator that I was thinking about deleting all my social media and getting a new number without telling anybody.
just to start fresh.
he said he didn’t understand why I would want to disconnect myself.
so I tried to explain why and I said that I already felt disconnected and that I just needed it to be more real.
he just nodded his head and got off on the floor below me.
I don’t think he understood.
I wanted to tell him that I needed to have a better reason for feeling alone, that I wanted to become an enigma, but that I don’t think anyone would miss me anyways.
I wanted to tell him that I was using all of my energy trying to survive.
but I couldn’t tell him any of that. because I don’t understand why in a world where I can connect to anyone, anywhere, at anytime- I don’t want to even try.